Common Regrets of 2012

This is the time of year when most people look over 2012 and think of all the fantastic things they have done throughout the year. Common examples include saving the whales, feeding most of Africa and inventing a cure for AIDs. However, I am going to focus on what some of us less capable people may have regretted doing this year.

1) “The Drunken Conversationalist”

That’s right you are at yet another party which your friend has dragged you to and you thought it would be a great opportunity to make some new friends. You have drank one too many of the complimentary glasses of champagne so you feel standing in the corner pretending to text is no longer an option. Elegantly you wobble towards a group of approachable looking people. The conversation is about politics. Luckily when you are drunk you are more knowledgable than any politician and you have the solution to world peace. You add helpful political insights such as “Well personally I think the democrats should win because red is a much better colour than blue” and “We should just tell Putin that we really like him and he is welcome to Cuba”. Needless to say no new friends were made that night.

2) “The Fumble”

We’ve all been there. Your best friend suddenly seems really attractive or the guy you met in the elevator (but you farted in there and assumed he smelt it so you thought would never be interested) is suddenly indeed interested. These people will be subject to a moment of lunacy on your part. Perhaps your gold fish has just died and you are in deep bereavement and elevator was there as a shoulder to cry on. The shoulder becomes more than just a shoulder, it becomes an awkward fumble. The awkward fumble then causes you to avoid taking the elevator ever again in fear of seeing him but you do lose a lot of weight taking the stairs.

3) “The Ridiculous Purchase”

“Wow that porcelain horse that doubles up as an ash tray and is remote controllable looks really useful” said the vulnerable person who really can’t afford to spend any more money. The vulnerable person often doesnt even smoke, so an ash tray is pretty much useless anyway. When you return home you realise that what you have bought is essentially a piece of shit. However, you refuse to admit this to either yourself or your friends. Eventually you are forced to take up smoking to prove that it is useful and you become even poorer due to your new habit.

4) “The Drunk Confession”

They say that “The drunken mind speaks the sober truth” we just wish this statement was untrue. After downing a ridiculous amount of vodka in a short space of time the urge to tell someone your deepest, darkest secret becomes overwhelming. You find yourself telling the man you just met that “I secretly love Justin Bieber” or “I used to think sanitary towels were aeroplane stickers” (seriously though the ones with wings do). Then you get so embarrassed you never leave the house ever again.

All of these things happen in January.

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Amusing Psyche Test

I found this rather amusing test in the depths of the internet. My results are somewhat interesting. I have posted them at the bottom of this so you can laugh to yourself at how strange I must seem. Although after completing you may be even stranger.


Read the following questions, imagining the scenes in your mind, and write down the FIRST thing that you visualize. Do not think about the questions excessively.

1. You are walking in the woods. Who are you walking with?

2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?

4. You walk deeper into the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house. Describe its size.

5. Is your dream house open, or surrounded by a fence?

6. You enter the house. You walk to the dining area and see the dining room table. Describe what you see on and around the table.

7. You exit the house through the back door. Lying in the grass is a cup. What material is the cup made of (ceramic, glass, paper, etc.)?

8. What do you do with the cup?

9. You walk to the edge of the property, where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What type of body of water is it ?

10. How will you cross the water?





This has been a relational psychology test. The answers given to the questions have been shown to have a relevance to values and ideals that we hold in our personal lives. The analysis follows.

1. The person who you are walking with is the most important person in your life.

2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems.

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems (passive, aggressive).

4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to resolve your problems.

5. No fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence is more indicative of a closed personality. You’d prefer people to not drop by unannounced.

6. If your answer did not include food, people, or flowers then you are generally unhappy.

7. The durability of the material with which the cup is made is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship with the person from number 1. For example, Styrofoam, plastic, and paper are disposable; Styrofoam, paper, and glass (ceramics) are not durable; and metal and plastic are durable.

8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude toward the person in number 1.

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.

10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life.





1) The man I currently like (obviously not going to state his name on the internet) 

2) A dog

3) Cuddle

4) Medium

5) Open

6) Nothing

7) Plastic

8) Stand on (not sure how that works in reflection to number one but okay) 

9) Lake 

10) Boat


I am therefore an overly open person who is very unhappy with an ample sexual appetite… 

If this worked any better for you or if they are even more hilarious than mine then post your results!

 

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Other Blog

I have another blog on Blogger. If any of you are on there then please communicate with me there too! 

http://efoz247.blogspot.co.uk 

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Why clubbing makes me want to peel out my own eyeballs

I enjoy clubbing. There I said it. It’s a fun thing to do however what I don’t understand is why I enjoy it.  If you have never been to a club before then count yourself lucky although I will try to convey what it is like. 

Imagine you are in a sauna with a thousand drunk strangers and the volume control of the music is stuck at a ridiculously high level. Then everyone tries to jump around at different times. That is briefly what clubbing entails. Of course then you get the drunken creepy men who come up behind you and rub their crotch rather aggressively on you in some kind of strange mating routine that not even David Attenborough would recognise as typical mating behaviour. 
After such stress you would really like an alcoholic drink. After standing in the Que. to the bar for anything up to three days you are able to order. However, the price makes you question whether you are being robbed in an incredibly polite manner. 
Then of course there is the social awkwardness of “dancing”. I place dancing in inverted commas because it appears more to be the well practiced art of how to have sex with as many clothes on as possible. I would say that 37% of people on the dance floor have been penetrated in some shape or form. 
Well I am going clubbing again tonight. I have no idea why. 
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University Stereotypes

There is nothing stranger than the people at university. They fall into several distinct categories.

1) The Shagger

This man has recently moved out of home for the first time. He has recently realised that there is no one around to make himself or his personal belongings. When confronted about such habits he will commonly defend himself with lines such as “Well why should I wash my towels, I’m clean when I come out of the shower aren’t I?”.

Perhaps the worst trait of the Shagger is his sudden realisation that he has somewhere to bring back drunken women to without his mother’s judgemental eye. He will prowl the nightclubs and union looking for women who have had one too many vodkas and have lost the ability to stand. He is a master at seducing women who can no longer see.

2) Snobility

Those that fall in this category can be either gender or anything in between. These people believe that because they are in university they are automatically better than anyone else, ever. They will frequently walk around town with a overly sized text book just to prove they are more intelligent than you.

3) The Troll Slut

The troll slut is rare but will make her presence known at any party or social event. This woman has recently discovered that the ravages of puberty have left her deemed “ugly” by society. However, rather than come to terms with this she has decided to mate with any man who comes within a 2 metre radius of her.

Common behaviours include wearing a thong which is visible through whatever she is wearing, getting piercings in rather vile areas and licking her lips in a rather disturbing way. She will often wake up beside a man who was very drunk the night before. She will then by the subject of jokes from said man’s flat mates for the next three months. She will be the subject of nightmares for the unfortunate man who slept with her.

4) The Invisible Flat Mate

The invisible flat mate is the subject of legend for thousands of years. They will remain in the natural habitat of their bedroom for anything up to three weeks. The sight of an Invisible Flat Mate in the kitchen is extremely seldom. It leaves fellow flatmates to ponder how someone can manage to spend so long in one room without food or drink.

The Invisible Flat Mate has not yet learnt how to use language. They will often make noises to convey emotions such as “UGHH” to convey annoyance that you have accidentally eaten the last of his or hers peanut butter or “Merghh” in order to show exasperation at the mess of the kitchen even though most of the mess is theirs despite them never being in the kitchen.

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Clever words to make you sound smart

We have all been in the position when we have to write a complex article, make a presentation or go to a  job interview when we feel our vocabulary just isn’t good enough. Here I have collected words which I use when I want to trick people into thinking I’m a lot more intelligent than I really am.

And becomes Furthermore 

To Show becomes Demonstrates 

To Think becomes To envision 

Aim becomes Intention 

Team Player becomes Collaborator 

Education becomes Erudation

Because becomes As a result of…

Reliable becomes Conscientious

To Dedicate becomes To be diligent 

Sociable becomes Gregarious 

To Want becomes To aspire to

Skill becomes Expertise 

I hope these words help you!

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Terrible Ethics at Urban Outfitters

I have never been a regular customer of urban outfitters but I have been in a few times and bought the odd product. However, I had no idea about their terrible ethics and beliefs. I was horrified to find that they have released products which have offended many cultures, they are against gay marriage and use provocative pictures of underage girls.

One of the T-shirts they released had a star which looked very similar to the star of david and the t-shirt resembled those which jewish people were forced to wear in Germany under the Nazi regime.

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They also released a T-shirt with the slogan “Eat Less” on it which was modeled by a very thin model. This T-shirt appears to glamorize eating disorders.

The CEO of Urban Outfitters is also openly against gay marriage. As well as recalling a T-shirt in their shops which had the slogan “I support gay marriage” on it he has also donated money to anti gay marriage foundations.

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I also find it disgusting that they used a photo of a 15 year old model without her consent on a shirt. This photo focused on the crotch area of the girl and the girl concerned sued Urban Outfitters for the use of this photo.

It is safe to say that I will never be shopping in urban outfitters again. I do not wish to give my money to a company so prepared to insult any culture or religion.

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