There is nothing stranger than the people at university. They fall into several distinct categories.
1) The Shagger
This man has recently moved out of home for the first time. He has recently realised that there is no one around to make himself or his personal belongings. When confronted about such habits he will commonly defend himself with lines such as “Well why should I wash my towels, I’m clean when I come out of the shower aren’t I?”.
Perhaps the worst trait of the Shagger is his sudden realisation that he has somewhere to bring back drunken women to without his mother’s judgemental eye. He will prowl the nightclubs and union looking for women who have had one too many vodkas and have lost the ability to stand. He is a master at seducing women who can no longer see.
Those that fall in this category can be either gender or anything in between. These people believe that because they are in university they are automatically better than anyone else, ever. They will frequently walk around town with a overly sized text book just to prove they are more intelligent than you.
3) The Troll Slut
The troll slut is rare but will make her presence known at any party or social event. This woman has recently discovered that the ravages of puberty have left her deemed “ugly” by society. However, rather than come to terms with this she has decided to mate with any man who comes within a 2 metre radius of her.
Common behaviours include wearing a thong which is visible through whatever she is wearing, getting piercings in rather vile areas and licking her lips in a rather disturbing way. She will often wake up beside a man who was very drunk the night before. She will then by the subject of jokes from said man’s flat mates for the next three months. She will be the subject of nightmares for the unfortunate man who slept with her.
4) The Invisible Flat Mate
The invisible flat mate is the subject of legend for thousands of years. They will remain in the natural habitat of their bedroom for anything up to three weeks. The sight of an Invisible Flat Mate in the kitchen is extremely seldom. It leaves fellow flatmates to ponder how someone can manage to spend so long in one room without food or drink.
The Invisible Flat Mate has not yet learnt how to use language. They will often make noises to convey emotions such as “UGHH” to convey annoyance that you have accidentally eaten the last of his or hers peanut butter or “Merghh” in order to show exasperation at the mess of the kitchen even though most of the mess is theirs despite them never being in the kitchen.